Well Monday was my first post treatment review with Dr Davies.
He is now my parole officer. I am going to have to see him regularly for the next five years. Any sign of misbehaviour and I'm straight back inside. If I make it through the five years I can then get released and a free man again.
It was back at RSH today, haven't been there since the very beginning where we first met. Thinking back now to that day it was very scary. I didn't know what was going to happen and how things were going to progress. We were waiting for about an hour in the waiting room, then another half hour in the consulting room. I had a lot of time to think that day. Today I was on my own (Sam's working now, no big need for her to come along). I did get to the consulting room on time, but I was waiting half an hour before Dr Davies came. But this time I was quite relaxed whilst waiting. The other difference was that last time he seemed to come in with a whole entourage, today it was just the 2 of us. I did briefly nod hello to Mairead and Anne-Marie before I went in, but didn't talk to them.
It was the usual checks. He tickled me under the armpits and listened to my breathing a bit. Everything is fine, he's quite happy with my progress. He thinks there's very little chance of a re-lapse, but can't completely rule it out, we didn't discuss percentages or probabilities.
We got on to discussing my fattening fingers. A few weeks ago I had taken my rings into the jewelers to get re-sized. I had taken them off during my chemo as my fingers seemed to be getting swollen. I thought my fingers had probably settled down, but was shocked when I found they needed to go up 4 sizes! I had queried this with Mairead and she said to hold off until I discussed it with Dr Davies today. In the end I don't think I got an answer. I think I just have to accept that it's 13 years of stuffing my face, but I'll wait a little while longer before I do it.
We also talked about coping with getting back to normal, making sense of things. I think this is the real issue. I've been through something that's supposed to be frightening and horrific with my life on a knife-edge. But, frankly, I never felt that bad during the whole thing. And now it's all over what happens? Do I just brush it off and carry on as if nothing happened? Does it rule the rest of my life? What do I want? When do I get my medal and certificate as a member of the cancer club? How do I know which bin to put out on Friday? The Dr suggested I have a chat to Mairead, she's not a counsellor, but she can talk me through things a bit.
Otherwise, he did say I should get a 'flu vaccine as I could get a bit of a hit from it now. Never had 'flu before, or at least never been very ill with it, so this is a bit of shock. Seems I'm not quite so well as I was.
Next hospital visit is scheduled for 30th November. This will be the start of the 3 months cycle of checkups including blood test and chest X-ray.
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