Ringing the changes / Changing the rings

Well Monday was my first post treatment review with Dr Davies.

He is now my parole officer. I am going to have to see him regularly for the next five years. Any sign of misbehaviour and I'm straight back inside. If I make it through the five years I can then get released and a free man again.

It was back at RSH today, haven't been there since the very beginning where we first met. Thinking back now to that day it was very scary. I didn't know what was going to happen and how things were going to progress. We were waiting for about an hour in the waiting room, then another half hour in the consulting room. I had a lot of time to think that day. Today I was on my own (Sam's working now, no big need for her to come along). I did get to the consulting room on time, but I was waiting half an hour before Dr Davies came. But this time I was quite relaxed whilst waiting. The other difference was that last time he seemed to come in with a whole entourage, today it was just the 2 of us. I did briefly nod hello to Mairead and Anne-Marie before I went in, but didn't talk to them.

It was the usual checks. He tickled me under the armpits and listened to my breathing a bit. Everything is fine, he's quite happy with my progress. He thinks there's very little chance of a re-lapse, but can't completely rule it out, we didn't discuss percentages or probabilities.

We got on to discussing my fattening fingers. A few weeks ago I had taken my rings into the jewelers to get re-sized. I had taken them off during my chemo as my fingers seemed to be getting swollen. I thought my fingers had probably settled down, but was shocked when I found they needed to go up 4 sizes! I had queried this with Mairead and she said to hold off until I discussed it with Dr Davies today. In the end I don't think I got an answer. I think I just have to accept that it's 13 years of stuffing my face, but I'll wait a little while longer before I do it.

We also talked about coping with getting back to normal, making sense of things. I think this is the real issue. I've been through something that's supposed to be frightening and horrific with my life on a knife-edge. But, frankly, I never felt that bad during the whole thing. And now it's all over what happens? Do I just brush it off and carry on as if nothing happened? Does it rule the rest of my life? What do I want? When do I get my medal and certificate as a member of the cancer club? How do I know which bin to put out on Friday? The Dr suggested I have a chat to Mairead, she's not a counsellor, but she can talk me through things a bit.

Otherwise, he did say I should get a 'flu vaccine as I could get a bit of a hit from it now. Never had 'flu before, or at least never been very ill with it, so this is a bit of shock. Seems I'm not quite so well as I was.

Next hospital visit is scheduled for 30th November. This will be the start of the 3 months cycle of checkups including blood test and chest X-ray.

Normality beckons

So I managed a full week at work for the first time since the middle of June, and only the 3rd time since the middle of March. I suppose that's normality of sorts. But that's how it is from now to Christmas.

The armpit is still a bit sore, but definitely improving now. I think it probably peaked early last week (1 week after the end of treatment). It now feels much better. The hair is returning gradually, not curly, but inexplicably, blond.

Early on in my treatment my doctor warned me against reading blogs. That probably applies to my own, which explains the unnecessary repetition. But now I feel unconstrained by this diktat. So I have now been trailing round to find that the Internet is awash with people detailing the ghastly effects of their Hodgkin's journey. For anyone still reading I can recommend one in particular. If you read the Independent you might have seen some of it already. If you think I was taking things seriously you should read this:
http://cancerouscapers.blogspot.com/

Another week on

Nearly had a full week at work this week. But we had a group outing this afternoon playing rounders on Southampton common. It was a lovely day for it, great to be out in the early autumn after a miserable summer. I did manage to hit the ball a few times and score some rounders. But, as a fielder, I was a bit rubbish. Perhaps I have an excuse this time for being out of condition.

But next week I think I will have to do a full week, all day, every day. Scary.

The armpit is still a bit sore. Skin red and swollen. It looks quite dry and looks sunburned and I think I have lost a bit of hair too - I won't worry about that. I think it got worse earlier this week, but it's a bit better now.

I had a chat with the new OH nurse at work yesterday, she was quite impressed that I'm coping fine, but offered lots of support if needed.

Volunteer Needed

The hair is coming back slowly. It's starting to look a bit like Action Man realistic hair (for anyone who can remember that). It doesn't look as thick as it did before. Not sure if that's because it's still quite short or that maybe not all my follicles have come back yet.

I now have a bit of a cold building. This is the first time for 4 months that I've been ill and just at the point where my immune system should be getting back to normal.

I had some bad news today - I found out that I am no longer able to be a blood donor - ever. This is worse than finding out about the illness really. Having got through all the treatment and feeling that I am now cured I find that in some sense I never will be. So the bottom line is that I need someone to take my place. So, if anyone is still reading this, can you volunteer:
http://www.blood.co.uk/

Normality starts today

I had a day off work today. It's the last day of the school holidays and my last chance to take a full day off with the boys. Unfortunately it has been miserably wet, so we ended up going swimming after a false start going to the bowling alley which had a massive queue.

No more shaving the head. So, by the end of today, I have a fine covering of stubble. Pretty even really, no worn patches to note. I can also say that my right armpit is quite swollen. It's almost as though it's swollen up to the same sort of size it was before the operation. So, after all the treatment, we're back to where we started. And it still might get worse!

Last treatment day

Well I mentioned last week that it was 6 months since I started on the road by visiting my GP. Today is 1st September and it is now 4 months since my first chemotherapy session and is now my last day, neatly rounding things off. It makes it a lot less than the 6 months that doctor Davies quoted at the start.

As a celebration I extracted my last pair of socks that I had saved up - Dennis the Menace - I haven't worn these since my wedding day. In addition Sam painted on the Union Jack that she did after I first shaved.

For the first time during my treatment the car park next to the oncology centre was full. I had to go round to the multi-storey, which had quite a bit of space. But I didn't realise what a trek it was from there through the hospital. Must be a bit of a bank holiday backlog in treatments, I thought that when I went past the waiting area at the other machines, it was pretty full. But when I got to machine "D" it was quite empty, the checkin still said 40 minutes delay though, hope it's not broken again.

As it was the delay was only about 15minutes. Richard came out, he said he had trouble keeping a straight face when he first saw me whilst getting the previous patient. He made Clare wait in the treatment room because he thought she would burst out laughing.

Well the last burst on the machine went fine. There was a slight pause after the head moved round to the top, I thought it was broken again, but it did finish the routine. I said my goodbyes to Richard and Clare - "hope not to see you again" - it's probably always like that. She said I had brightened up her day, which was great. It must be hard for them as they have to treat a lot of very ill people all the time. Unlike at the chemotherapy they only have a short time when they see people.

I took some cream cakes into work to celebrate the end of my treatment. It's a way of making everybody aware of it.

This evening I went out for a meal with Sam to celebrate. Also celebrating Sam's new job - she officially started today, although she's not in work until Thursday. We went into Southampton to an Indian called Poppadom Express. First time we've been out since we moved in to this house.

I have to start to adapt now to the concept of normality. I still have my antibiotics to take for another 7 weeks and I have an appointment to see the doctor on 28th September. But otherwise things can get back to normal.