Up early today. Got to get breakfast first. Sam, as usual in hurry, kicks me out to get breakfast before 7.00am. Finish breakfast 7.07am. Good game with boys trying to sneak more food. Back to shower with scrub last time before hospital, make the most of it, might not shower for a few days. Might be less fun in the bath. Song on the radio, this is great:
http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/The-Monkees/Daydream-Believer.htmlTake boys to school. Threaten to stop at Tesco to get a bite to eat. They run off, no worries. Don’t wish me well for op, which is good, they shouldn’t worry at that age. Back home, see Sam outside talking to neighbour at No1. Not met her before so I go over as well. Got some spare time anyway. Back in house. Do some work for 1 hour, the phone conference about PNX5120 – looks like they have quite a few actions for me. These guys don’t know why I’m at home, but I leave call before the end of meeting. Get together final bits and off to hospital. Sam drives her car, worried about parking. I guide her a little bit. No bother with the parking, wide empty space. Show her the way to ward – I’m expert in this hospital.
Up at ward 11:20, good timing. They are expecting me thanks, my name is on the board. Go to waiting room – it’s full - this might take some time! Say to Sam she should go if she wants to, but she doesn’t. She’s probably more anxious than me. She wants to feel involved. Don’t want to push her away, it’s fine for her to stay.
11:45 approx called by nurse - Sandy. This is good and quick - great. Check blood pressure, temperature. Few questions about what’s going on. Sam wants to know when I’ll be out.
12:15 See anesthetist – Jon Millar. Sam is in too. He says I’m first on list, so I should be out quickly.
1:00 Meet consultant Russell Curtress – with Sam. He says he will take as much as is easy to get out. Question from Sam about how much they will take – won’t they have to take it all out eventually anyway? He says not necessarily depends on what it is. If it’s an infection – antibiotics. If it’s lymphoma – lymphoma treatment – careful avoidance of subtle reference to the C word here, we all know what he’s talking about. Checks blood results – says they look normal. Not yet checked X-ray. He has a look at X-ray at the nurses’ station – no problems with that.
1:10 Sandy gives me pot full of pills
1:20 Sandy calls me through to get changed into gown and put on my dressing gown and slippers. Passes me some stockings – says “for after”. I assume I don’t need them until after the op, so put them in my bag.
1:30 walk to operating theatre. Just before we get there Sandy asks if I have the stockings on. I said no, misunderstanding, I thought she said they were for after. She thinks it’s okay as I’m a day patient. Checks with nurse at theatre, they don’t have any, but say it won’t be a problem. 1:40 Round on trolley to theatre. I’m told off for holding door as nurse seemed to have trouble leaning over me. Into outside room, lots of stickers on walls and ceiling – Thomas, Dora, Buzz Lightyear, clearly this is used by children. See Jon again, he puts on oxygen mask. Nurse tries to get probes to work, stick them on, but no sound from monitor. Tries swapping over wires, get new wires, no luck. I hope this doesn’t mean there is a delay, maybe they have to find another machine, or wait until one is free from another theatre – don’t want this. Eventually it works, I think one probe was connected wrong, that’s a relief. Then they seem to have a problem getting a vein up in my hand to put in anaesthetic – just like at the blood donors’. Get it in the end. The stuff goes in my hand, they say it will feel cold. It does feel cold, horrible, feels like it’s swelling up my arm, I don’t know how much of this I can bear, I might want to scream.
1:55 go to sleep
3:10 Wake up. Can’t remember anything about counting, must have gone out quickly. Nurse next to me says that I had the whole lump removed, I said that’s great, but I’m still tried can I just sleep.
3:30 back at ward still drowsey. Just have some water
4:00 Sam calls back to ward. Get a message that Christopher has lost his tooth.
4:30 Felling good, out of bed, get dressed. As I’m getting dressed I have to kneel down to tie my shoes. But my knees buckle because of the ache and I nearly topple over. Helen thinks I’m fainting – I have to re-assure her. Helen calls Sam to say I can go home
5:00 Lindy tries to get blood out for sample. She has trouble pumping up my left arm sticks needle in but fails. Has to go for other arm – this works thankfully. But now I have two extra dressings in my arms.
5:15 Mr Curtress comes round to see me. Everything went well, he took out the main lump, also another big one and some small ones. But still a few small ones that he left behind. Probably see him again week after next – Wednesday, should be after Easter. Not too long to wait.
5:30 Helen clears up, takes out needle, gives me
5:45 Helen asks if I can go to waiting room, as they need bed, no problem I’m sitting in chair. Sam turns up at that moment so I can go anyway.
6:10 Back home Spoke to mum this evening. Told her that I will go for appointment later. Should find out what it is. I’ve probably not admitted up to now that we don’t know what it is. Probably getting her suspicions up. Spoke to Anne this evening. Sometimes we talk about nothing for ages. She talked about a friend at school whose wife is “2 weeks ahead of me”. She was diagnosed with stage 2 lymphona, but not yet spread. She has a very good chance of a complete recovery – 98% chance that it won’t come back same as if she had never had it. I didn’t take the bait, but it’s clear we both know what’s going on. I’m not really ready to come clean.
Late evening Midnight. Can’t get to sleep. Too much going round my head. Need to do something. Start to write this stuff.
